I Want to Save You
by ToBecomeAClown
Summary: He winks and gets into his car, starts the engine, waves and drives away.  The sun is coming up as I stand, stretch and head inside. I go to put on my leotard for an early start.  I have to go kick some ass today. Razor/Emily Friendship


**A/N: Razor/ Emily Friendship. Set before Emily knows she is pregnant, but after she sleeps with Damon.**

"What's up?" is the illogical question I ask Razor as he takes a seat next to me on the porch. It's three in the morning and the stars of Colorado are the only things that are giving up permission to see. Razor came over last night. I called him and told him that I really needed a friend. He came straight over—no questions asked, which I'm glad about because if he knew he was helping me violate my contract he never would have come over. Sometimes my feelings and my wellbeing are more important than gymnastics though. Sometimes.

"Unfortunately me." He laughs. I smile. I like his laugh.

I can feel his dark eyes burning a hole into the side of my head, but I still keep staring straight across the street. It would be too much effort to look at him.

"What's keeping you up?" he pried.

"Insomnia." I smile and look at him. It was a legitimate and truthful answer but I don't think he's going for it.

I shrug my shoulders and pull my feet closer into my body.

"I don't know." I begin. "Everything. You know, it's been so hard. All of it. It's getting hard to take."

He half smiles. It's an understanding and sympathetic smile. I appreciate it, but I also know that he doesn't understand. There is no way that anyone who isn't a gymnast would be able to fully comprehend all this pressure and stress.

It was silent and I felt some tension and I wanted to lighten up the mood. Three A.M. is just too early to be intense.

"You know, my mom's a stripper now?"

He raises his eyebrows in response.

"Huh. I guess they're letting anybody in now. When I had my job interview it was quite strict." I love his sarcasm. "Oh, and by the way, we prefer to be called exotic dancers. Jesus Christ, Emily, get some manners."

This made me genuinely smile. Its times like these that I am exceptionally glad that Razor is my friend. He always lightens up my mood and apparently, makes me kinder and more sympathetic.

"Well, I guess she's not technically a stripper. She bartends at a strip club but she stills wears an outfit that a daughter should never see her mother in. I find it equally disgusting and disturbing, just as if she were an actual stripper."

"Oh, that makes more sense, 'cause I was going to say, I didn't see her at the monthly SOC meeting."

"SOC meeting?" I questioned.

"SOC. Strippers Of Colorado." He stated like it was the most obvious thing and like I was completely oblivious to some famous and popular thing that was in reality, truly nonexistent.

I laughed at this stripper joke again, but at this point in time, especially with my deprivation of sleep, I was starting to believe that Razor was in fact a stripper. No, I mean, exotic dancer.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this from me but I had sex with Damon." I blurted out randomly. I felt guilty keeping this secret from him, and once again am blaming my lack of rest. My current state of mind is not reliable.

I expected him to seem surprised and maybe a little angry, but he just looked genuinely filled with sorrow. Maybe even a little pity. This instantly caused me to regret that I slept with Damon even more now. I began to cry. Maybe I should have been with Razor all along. Maybe he was the one for me.

Razor scooted closer to me and brought me in for a tight hug. I immediately accepted the grasp. I needed a good hug.

Even though I was sure he didn't need, and especially did not want to hear any more I decided to tell him anyway. I desperately needed somebody to talk to and he was my only friend. Well, my only true friend at the moment. Kaylie has plenty of her own problems and issues to work out right now, Payson would just judge and lecture me about how I should never have had slept with him, and that the Olympics should be my only worry and concern. And it's pretty clear that speaking to Damon about it is not an option, so Razor, I have to talk to him.

"That was the last time I saw him." I paused because of my sobbing, "That was the last time I talked or spoke to him at all. He never even called me back."

When I began to sob even harder, if that were humanly possible, Razor held me tighter. I could tell he was getting mad at Damon. I know that I should have told him that it wasn't only Damon, and in fact, I was the one to initiate it and encourage it, but I was too tired of blaming myself for every little thing and of feeling like shit that I figured it would be okay if he let Damon take the blame, just this one time, just for this moment.

"The bastard slept with you and then never even called you back." He repeated as if reassuring himself and myself of what had happened. Not that either of us needed any reassurance anyway. That is certainly something that I'll never forget.

"One hell of a friend." Now he was angry.

"What?" I said even though I heard him as clear as day. I just didn't understand why he was concerned about his friendship and not my relationship.

He looked at me, opened him mouth and then closed it again.

"He's just an ass."

I laughed, "Yeah, I already knew that."

"You don't need that. You deserve better; you should have better."

Silence then approaches and I just listen to the crickets talk. I star at Razor for a minute. I'm afraid to open up to anyone, but why not? I just have so much stress and so much stuff going on right now that I just can't do it on my own.

"And, you know, the worst part? He's connecting with Kaylie. While I'm sitting here, hysterical because I let him sleep with me and he never cared to call, he is probably off having sex with her."

I try to laugh, but I can't. The sky is dark and clouds are covering the moon and I just can't bring myself to laugh.

"You think you know a person." I know he's trying to comfort me, but that didn't work. Well, maybe I should give him some credit. It is the very early morning and we've been out here for at least an hour now.

"Emily, don't worry about him. He sucks and he's a jerk. You're going to let a person who treats you like trash take up so much of your time? That's insane. Just go on, continue with gymnastics, beat everyone else's ass, get 50 gold medals, do whatever the hell else you want to do, but just leave Damon out of it. Just mentally take a gun to his head. But if you decide to physically do it too, I won't stop you, but I just wasn't there."

We smile again. It's good to know that I have friends, or just anyone in general, who actually does give a shit about me.

"You know what? I'm good now, you can go home."

He raises his eyebrow in response, "You sure?"

I nod and smile, "Yeah. Thank you so much for everything Razor, I really appreciate it."

We exchange looks, we hug and I watch him leave. Half way down my front lawn, he turns around and calls for me.

"Oh, Emily!"

"Yeah"

"Tell your mom that this months SOC meeting was moved to Sunday. Some of the re-scheduling letters got lost in the mail."

"Alright, sure thing."

He winks and gets into his car, starts the engine, waves and drives away. The sun is coming up as I stand, stretch and head inside. I go to put on my leotard for an early start. I have to go kick some ass today.


End file.
